An Open Note To The Gaggle Onboard

Ladies,

You know, like, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if your sixty whatever on your lab report was, like, because you think your teaching assistant is obsessed with Group 3’s mini skirts. Oh, and by the way, when two of the four paragraphs of your freshman biology lab report is copied and pasted from the internet, don’t expect to earn many points. For real, dip me head first into a vat of corn syrup and I still couldn’t be more glazed about your mental status after taking orgo last summer. Gawd help us if we have to hear again and again and again how your brother has a girlfriend while you’re not allowed to date. Hello?!? Even your friends noticed that your bore-thru-styrofoam pace, pitch and volume was earning nasty looks from everyone around you. Yeah huhh.

I understand your frustration. It’s tough being you. We’re all so proud that you’re handling it so well. But please, take a moment and consider the others on this train. This reverse-commute is ~1.5x as long as its off-peak counterpart. We all have to sit for 20 minutes at Nowhereville Station. It’s the end of the day. Some nap. Some read. Others like to just be still. For mutual benefit, slow it and keep it down.

Most Sincerely,
COP
Crotchety Old Primer