Bane and Delight

I like steaks, beef in particular. I know the high cholesterol content is bad. I know that there are ethical and environmental concerns surrounding the eating of it. For some things, however, I am easily seduced. Yes, as Gloria Estefan might have sung, the bovine is gonna get me.

Oddly enough, I don’t think the conventional method is going to do me in. Three years ago, I sat down to enjoy a hard earned sizzling juicy slab. I was quite nearly inhaling the protein when a piece took me literally and lodged itself on my pharynx. As I stood up to enact the universal choking sign, I passed out and crashed to the floor. Fortunately the fall, or I guess more precisely, the impact dislodged the steak. I awoke to my brother scooping me off the floor and performing the Heimlich maneuver. I should get that whole syncope thing checked out sometime.

So, fast forward to Christmas Eve 2007 and we find steak and me having another run in. Family comes here for this holiday. An aunt brought a garlic stuffed prime rib roast. This would be a perfect accompaniment to the whole roasted pig, chicken, salmon, shrimp and lobster that was also on tap. I can’t believe I forgot to make the Christmas squid. Anyway, as I was lifting the rib roast out of the thermal picnic basket in which it was transported, I heard and felt a pop in my right bicep. It was sore but bearable. By midnight, there was a quarter-sized bruise midway between elbow and shoulder. I played some poker, busted out early and went to bed. I woke the next morning to find this:



I saw a physical therapist today and have an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon tomorrow. Steak, I forgive you. Just let me heal quickly.